Here lies the Dog Trainer, who spent decades teaching both ends of the leash how to behave. They believed that building trust between species required patience, expertise, and the occasional treat bribe. Technology disagreed, deciding that behavioral modification was just another optimization problem to be solved with sensors and algorithms. While they specialized in teaching old dogs new tricks, they never learned the most important trick of all: how to compete with a machine that works 24/7 and never gets bitten. The irony is that dogs, being infinitely more loyal than humans, would have preferred to stick with their original trainers forever.