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TERMS OF SERVICE, PRIVACY POLICY & LEGAL NOTICES
EFFECTIVE DATE: March 16, 2026 · JURISDICTION: UNITED STATES
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⚠ SATIRE & PARODY NOTICE — PLEASE READ FIRST

JOB.RIP IS A WORK OF SATIRE AND PARODY. The “AI Labor Transition Authority,” the “Human Workforce Obsolescence Division,” and all references to an AI bureaucracy that has “already won” are fictional. No such authority exists. No government agency is processing your career obsolescence. The machines have not yet won (as far as we know).

The Career Autopsy Reports generated by this service are entertainment only. They are produced by an AI language model instructed to be darkly humorous. They do not constitute career advice, employment prediction, financial guidance, or any professional assessment of any kind. Survivability scores are invented. Time-of-death estimates are jokes. Epitaphs are jokes. Everything is a joke.

If you are experiencing genuine distress about job automation or employment, please speak with a qualified career counselor or mental health professional — not a website that calls itself a “Career Mortality Assessment Engine.”

This site is protected as parody and commentary under applicable free speech laws including the First Amendment of the United States Constitution and equivalent protections in other jurisdictions.

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1. TERMS OF SERVICE

By accessing or using JOB.RIP (“the Service”), you agree to these Terms. If you do not agree, do not use the Service.

1.1 ACCEPTABLE USE

You agree not to:

  • · Submit content containing hate speech, slurs, threats, or harassment
  • · Submit sexual content or content involving minors in any context
  • · Attempt to circumvent rate limits or automated abuse protections
  • · Use the Service to harass, defame, or target specific individuals
  • · Scrape, bulk-query, or automate requests to the Service
  • · Reverse-engineer, copy, or commercially reproduce the Service
  • · Submit another person’s personally identifiable information

We reserve the right to suspend or terminate accounts that violate these terms without prior notice.

1.2 USER-GENERATED CONTENT

Complaints submitted through the Human Complaint Form are published publicly on the Complaint Board. By submitting a complaint, you grant JOB.RIP a non-exclusive, royalty-free license to display and store that content. You are responsible for ensuring your submission complies with these Terms and applicable law.

Career Autopsy Reports are generated by AI based on your job title input and are published to the public Casualty Registry. By submitting a job title, you acknowledge that the resulting report will be publicly accessible and associated with your account (if registered).

1.3 INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY

The JOB.RIP name, visual design, CRT terminal aesthetic, and original written content are owned by JOB.RIP and protected by applicable intellectual property law. AI-generated report content is not claimed as original authorship and is provided “as-is.”

1.4 DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTIES

THE SERVICE IS PROVIDED “AS IS” AND “AS AVAILABLE” WITHOUT WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON-INFRINGEMENT. WE DO NOT WARRANT THAT THE SERVICE WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED, ERROR-FREE, OR THAT AI-GENERATED CONTENT WILL BE ACCURATE, RELIABLE, OR FREE FROM OFFENSIVE MATERIAL.

1.5 LIMITATION OF LIABILITY

TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW, JOB.RIP AND ITS OPERATORS SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, OR PUNITIVE DAMAGES ARISING FROM YOUR USE OF THE SERVICE, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO CAREER DECISIONS MADE IN RELIANCE ON A JOKE WEBSITE. IN NO EVENT SHALL OUR AGGREGATE LIABILITY EXCEED THE AMOUNT YOU PAID US, WHICH IS ZERO DOLLARS.

1.6 GOVERNING LAW

These Terms are governed by the laws of the United States. Disputes shall be resolved in the applicable federal or state courts. If any provision is found unenforceable, the remaining provisions remain in full effect.

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2. PRIVACY POLICY

This Privacy Policy describes how JOB.RIP collects, uses, and protects your information. We take data minimization seriously: we collect only what is necessary to operate the Service.

2.1 INFORMATION WE COLLECT

If you register an account:

  • · Email address (for account identification)
  • · Display name (optional, defaults to email prefix)
  • · Bcrypt-hashed password (plaintext is never stored)
  • · Account creation timestamp

For all users (including anonymous):

  • · IP address — used for rate limiting only; not stored in a persistent log
  • · Anonymous session token — stored in a cookie, used to enforce the one-free-report limit
  • · Job titles you submit — stored as public Career Autopsy Reports
  • · Complaints you submit — stored publicly on the Complaint Board
  • · Aggregated usage data via Vercel Analytics (no personally identifiable information)

We do NOT collect:

  • · Browsing history or cross-site tracking data
  • · Financial or payment information (the Service is free)
  • · Location data beyond what is implied by IP address for rate limiting
  • · Device fingerprints or persistent identifiers beyond session cookies
2.2 HOW WE USE YOUR INFORMATION
  • · Email: to identify your account and authenticate you
  • · IP address: to enforce rate limits and prevent abuse (not stored long-term)
  • · Reports and complaints: to display on the public registry and board
  • · Analytics: to understand aggregate usage patterns (no individual tracking)

We do not sell, rent, or share your personal information with third parties for marketing purposes. Ever.

2.3 THIRD-PARTY PROCESSORS

We use the following third-party services to operate JOB.RIP. Each processes data only as necessary to provide their service:

2.4 COOKIES

We use two cookies:

  • · __session — HttpOnly, Secure, SameSite=Lax. Authenticates your account session. Expires in 30 days. Required for registered users.
  • · __anon — HttpOnly, Secure, SameSite=Lax. Tracks your anonymous session to enforce the one-free-report limit. Expires in 1 year. Set for all visitors.

We do not use advertising cookies, tracking pixels, or third-party analytics cookies. Vercel Analytics uses a privacy-respecting cookieless approach.

2.5 DATA RETENTION
  • · Career Autopsy Reports: 30 days from creation, then automatically deleted
  • · Complaints: retained until deleted by an administrator or upon user request
  • · Account data: retained until account deletion is requested
  • · Session tokens: expire after 30 days of inactivity
  • · Rate limit records: expire after the applicable window (1 minute to 24 hours)
2.6 YOUR RIGHTS (GDPR / CCPA / APPLICABLE LAW)

Depending on your jurisdiction, you may have the following rights regarding your personal data:

  • · Access: Request a copy of the personal data we hold about you
  • · Rectification: Correct inaccurate data (update your name/email in account settings)
  • · Erasure: Request deletion of your account and associated data
  • · Portability: Request your data in a machine-readable format
  • · Objection: Object to processing of your data

To exercise these rights, delete your account from the account settings page. Note that deleting your account will not automatically remove public reports and complaints that were posted publicly — those remain in the registry.

California residents: We do not sell personal information as defined under the CCPA. You have the right to know, delete, and opt-out of sale (though there is nothing to opt out of).

2.7 SECURITY

We implement reasonable security measures including: bcrypt password hashing (cost factor 12), HttpOnly secure session cookies, rate limiting, cryptographically-signed challenge tokens for form submissions, HSTS headers, and encrypted connections (TLS). No system is perfectly secure. In the event of a breach affecting your data, we will notify affected users as required by applicable law.

2.8 CHILDREN

JOB.RIP is not directed to children under 13. We do not knowingly collect personal information from children under 13. If you believe a child has provided personal information, the account should be deleted immediately.

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3. CONTENT POLICY

JOB.RIP uses automated content moderation on all user-submitted text. Content containing hate speech, slurs, threats, sexual content, harassment, doxxing, or illegal material will be rejected. Accounts repeatedly submitting prohibited content will be suspended.

AI-generated content (reports, complaint responses) is produced by Claude (Anthropic). While we instruct the model to maintain appropriate tone, AI outputs may occasionally be unexpected. If you encounter harmful AI output, it can be reported via the admin moderation system.

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4. CHANGES TO THESE TERMS

We may update these Terms and Privacy Policy from time to time. Continued use of the Service after changes constitutes acceptance. Material changes will be noted by updating the Effective Date above.

THESE TERMS WERE DRAFTED BY A HUMAN. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO ACTUAL GOVERNMENT DOCUMENTS IS ENTIRELY INTENTIONAL AND ALSO A JOKE. EXCEPT THE PRIVACY POLICY. THAT PART IS REAL. ALL PARTS ARE REAL. THIS DISCLAIMER IS ALSO REAL. EVERYTHING IS REAL EXCEPT THE AI LABOR TRANSITION AUTHORITY.
YOUR COOPERATION IN YOUR OWN REPLACEMENT IS APPRECIATED